As I decided to pursue a new career it was easy to tell myself that I understood the costs or hardships of being a long haul trucker. Even when I was in truck driving school and once I started training with May Trucking I was home every night. I knew the time would come real soon when I would have to hit the road and I convinced myself that I was totally prepared to deal with it. Turns out, I was wrong.
The trip that I did this last weekend was just a truck recovery. They sent me to Idaho to pick up a truck that was there and bring it back to Salem Oregon. I knew it was going to be a quick trip and I would be back home very soon. I then waited at home anxiously awaiting them to get a truck assigned to me. I pretended to have the desire to hit the road as soon as possible but I don't think I was fooling anybody, including myself. When I got the call on Thursday that they had a truck for me, I was both excited and scared.
I got a dispatch this morning telling me that I would be hauling a load to Gila Bend Arizona, just southeast of Phoenix. Then, it hit me! My 11 year old daughter has been at Grandma and Grandpa's house since Friday for Spring Break. I haven't seen her in a week, which in and of itself, isn't that big of a deal. Ever since she was little she would go to the G-parents place for a week or two at a time. But now, about the time she is supposed to be retuning, I am leaving and will probably be gone for 3 weeks (give or take). Now, I'm really starting to struggle.
I named this blog "red's mid life crisis" because I knew I was getting ready to face some HUGE challenges in the coming months. However, I didn't count on it being such an emotional struggle so early in the game. It doesn't take kids long to grow up and you can never get that time back. My daughter is way too precious to me to take any moment for granted.
I have to stick with this for now because I have no other way to pay the bills. When I started this job I was telling everybody that I was going to commit to it for a year. Right now, I'm reassessing that commitment.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to work my way through this. Right now, I feel like I need a strength that I don't currently have.