Friday, March 25, 2011

understanding the costs

As I decided to pursue a new career it was easy to tell myself that I understood the costs or hardships of being a long haul trucker. Even when I was in truck driving school and once I started training with May Trucking I was home every night. I knew the time would come real soon when I would have to hit the road and I convinced myself that I was totally prepared to deal with it. Turns out, I was wrong.

The trip that I did this last weekend was just a truck recovery. They sent me to Idaho to pick up a truck that was there and bring it back to Salem Oregon. I knew it was going to be a quick trip and I would be back home very soon. I then waited at home anxiously awaiting them to get a truck assigned to me. I pretended to have the desire to hit the road as soon as possible but I don't think I was fooling anybody, including myself. When I got the call on Thursday that they had a truck for me, I was both excited and scared.

I got a dispatch this morning telling me that I would be hauling a load to Gila Bend Arizona, just southeast of Phoenix. Then, it hit me! My 11 year old daughter has been at Grandma and Grandpa's house since Friday for Spring Break. I haven't seen her in a week, which in and of itself, isn't that big of a deal. Ever since she was little she would go to the G-parents place for a week or two at a time. But now, about the time she is supposed to be retuning, I am leaving and will probably be gone for 3 weeks (give or take). Now, I'm really starting to struggle.

I named this blog "red's mid life crisis" because I knew I was getting ready to face some HUGE challenges in the coming months. However, I didn't count on it being such an emotional struggle so early in the game. It doesn't take kids long to grow up and you can never get that time back. My daughter is way too precious to me to take any moment for granted.

I have to stick with this for now because I have no other way to pay the bills. When I started this job I was telling everybody that I was going to commit to it for a year. Right now, I'm reassessing that commitment.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I continue to work my way through this. Right now, I feel like I need a strength that I don't currently have.



  1. Red, you know where that strength comes from. And it will be there when you need it. My heart aches for you as I realize you are finding yourself between a rock and a hard place. Know that you have lots of friends and family praying for you right now. I don't know what is in store for you tomorrow but I do know there is a Roadmap for your life and you will find it. Sometimes we just have to take the scenic route until we find it! God's Positioning System is very good at "recalculating." Remember Barry...maybe you will run in to him sometime at a truck stop just like we did!

  2. Red, please know we will be praying for you as you start out on your first long haul. Thank goodness there are cellphones and computers which make it easier to stay in touch. God has a plan and will give you the strength and see you through -- lean on Him.

    Good luck & God bless.

  3. When my kids were 12 and 15 I took a job that required me to travel about two weeks a month. I did come home on Friday night, but had to leave again on Sunday.

    One effect of this was my husband (their father) had to do a lot more with them and as a result he became much closer to them.

    Maybe there will be some interesting effect that you don't yet know. Maybe your daughter will appreciate the time she does have with you more.

    At her age she is just starting to grow away from you. This is natural. Don't hold on to tight.

  4. I'm praying for you and your family, Red. You will soon know if this is the career for you. Will you able to use something like Skype to talk with your daughter each night? Maybe she is old enough to understand that you are trying your best to provide for her? May God be with you!

  5. I'm praying for you. Think of these hours as alone time with God. You can share your thoughts when you get home and maybe through the computer. Your family will have will have more to look forward to. Tell God all that is on your heart. He understands.